Sherlock and John and Hannibal
by InsertHilariousUsername
Summary: Hannibal doesn't like Gordon Ramsay... He REALLY doesn't like Gordon Ramsay. So he cooks him - and then films it on his YouTube channel. Luckily, Sherlock and John are on the case. How will they put a stop to this decidedly unstoppable cannibal?
1. Chapter 1

**Sherlock and John and Hannibal**

"oh no" said the very hawt detective looking very deeply at the laptop on his glorious thighs.

"sherlock you fucking cockhead i need my laptop" said the short hobbitt as he consumed a glass of boiled _leaf water_ (yum he thought as the delicios liquid trickled seductively down his throat).

"no jawn the game is on!" said the man with the chinese alien eyes

"but sherly i need to watch p0rn and your just lookin at some kinky OH MY GOD IS THAT GOrdAn RaMsAy!?11?" john threw his mug at sherlocks face in horror. sherlock did not even blink because his magical cheekbones broke the glass before it could hurt his sexy face.

"yeas jawn gordon ramsay had been murdereed i saw it online but alsdo i saw som1 who made a cooking show about the wonderful way that you can simmer human flesh over a stove and the flesh wsa beautiful and tan and also the chef cooked gordons ramsays face so he was murdered and we have to find the killer because this is very serious and dangerous and we will probably be killed by a cannibalistic psychopath too lol"

john stared at the beautiful face of kahn. "ok can i see the video"

"yes"

john took the laptop out of his hands and immediately went on to his favorite site, tea-and-scarves-and-nakedmen . com

he started to unbutton his trousers and started to step out of his fluffy hedgehog patterned pants but sherlock stopped him

"no john the game is on DID YOU NOT HEAR ME JOHN"

"what game" said leastrade "beer women sweat beer swear word women axle deodorant"

"OH MY GOD LESTRAD GET OUT OF THE FLAT" sherlock threw the DI out the window. he hit the ground with a noise that sounded like someone softly blowing a raspberry. " i am ok" lestrade shouted.

the detective roundhouse kicked the window closed.

"he is too manly" sed sherlock as his hair shivered

"ok sherlock lets go" said john as he drank another glass of tea that mysteriously appeared in his hand.

"the game is a foot"


	2. Chapter 2

"sherlork why are we here" said john

"oh my god john were going to america god can you get a fucking ear please and thanx"

sherlock and john were on a plane. the plane was going fast to america where they would hunt down the mysterious killer of gordon ramsay.

john had fallen asleep in the cab and so sherlock had had to levitate him all the way to the airport with his wand. It wasn't supposed to be used in front of muggels, but sherlock was sure to be careful. only two old ladies paid attention to him, but he had quickly silenced them with their knitting needles. luckily though, the old ladies turned into two packs of vampire bats and flew away so sherlock was not arrested for first degree murder. wouldnt want to go through that again.

now they were waiting to arrive at the place. they had decided that they would interview a man named will graham first. they didnt know why but he seemed like a murderer.

"sherlcork i am hungry" said john as he frothed at the mouth

"ok"

the detective stole a lolipop from the baby sitting behind them

"thank you sherlock" said john heterosexually

"HEY!" yelled the owner of the baby. "YOU ARE DISGUSTING GIVE CHARLIE HIS LOLLY BACK"

all it took was one look into sherlocks glowing red eyes for her to stop shouting.

...

when they arrived in america the first thing they did was find somewhere to stay. sherlock reserved a spot at a tall, fancy hotel called the Lotus Hotel and Casino: Virginia. It was awesome because they got unlimed credit cards and they spent them all at the gift shop. John bought a lifetime supply of tea and sherlock bought a ferarri.

"i didnt know you liked cars sherlock"

"im deducing in style" said sherlock, pulling down his sunglasses. he was a big douche because really i mean who wears sunglasses inside

what a fucking douche bag that guy is


End file.
